


Time Keeps Ticking, But I Can't Move On

by jotunheiny



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anger, Angst, Anxiety, Closure, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Flashbacks, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Humor, Insecure Louis, M/M, Niall is a Good Friend, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Oblivious Harry, Past Nick Grimshaw/Harry Styles, Past Relationship(s), Protective Niall, Sad Harry, Sad Louis, Swearing, Triggers, Unrequited Love, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-05
Updated: 2015-08-30
Packaged: 2018-04-07 20:15:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 17,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4276512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jotunheiny/pseuds/jotunheiny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis was more than convinced he'd never see Harry Styles again. It had been two years and to him, that was okay. It meant he wouldn't have to suffer through the memories that haunted him as much as he used to. Until, he and Niall end up seeing Harry with Zayn in the local mall during their summer break from Uni. Louis' feelings for Harry come back full force and this time Louis has no choice but to face those feelings and finally face Harry again. Maybe all he needs is closure, but maybe all he needs is Harry back in his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Why Would I Wanna See You?

**Author's Note:**

> This story was a way for me to get all of the shit I kept inside on the outside without actually voicing them. Some of the events in this story are actually based off of memories of mine and my past experiences, some are completely made up. This was a difficult part of my life, one I still struggle to deal with today.
> 
> The title of this story is a lyric from the song Remember Me, Oh God, For Good by Watchout! There's Ghosts.
> 
> The chapter titles are lyrics from various songs by The Story So Far, Hands Like Houses, and blessthefall.

     I hated crowded places. Being surrounded by an over-abundance of strangers was enough to give me an anxiety attack. Maybe I have a slight case of agoraphobia. You'd think people wouldn't be out and about at a mall half past three in the afternoon on a Wednesday, but the universe has a way of surprising us all.

     "You have an admirer," Niall said, his gaze fixated on someone behind me. I turned around, my eyes locking on what I desperately wished was a figment of my imagination. Obsidian jeans hugged his calves and thighs in a way that made me salivate. He wore a white button up shirt  patterned with motorcycles, which was unbuttoned enough to reveal his chest and silver cross necklace. Harry Styles was impossibly handsome, even more so than I remembered. 

     I groaned as my lapis eyes locked with his bright aventurine ones, “Oh God no." He somewhat smiled at me, raising his hand to wave. Beside him stood Zayn, his best friend, who could be considered a damn demi-god with his inhumanly good looks. His amber eyes could probably make God himself sob. I swiveled around to face Niall, my back to the both of them. This is not what I needed today, nor any day for that matter. I could feel Harry's eyes on me. I felt exposed, like nothing I could do would shield me from the tidal wave of emotions threatening to spill from how bottled up I kept them.

     “Oh, so you know him," Niall said matter of factly. "Who is he? And who’s his hot friend?”

     “That’s Harry Styles. His friend is Zayn Malik,” I sighed, running my hand through my caramel hair.

     "THAT’S Harry? Like, THE Harry?” Niall exclaimed incredulously.

     “Way to over-exaggerate that, Ni, but yes, that’s THE Harry,” I explained, wanting to turn around but refrained from doing so.

     “What’s the history between you two again? You didn't exactly tell me much. All I know is that he's the reason you're horrified of commitment.”

     “I am not!” I immediately protested. “Anyway, long story short, we were an on again off again thing for five years. He was supposed to be my best friend, but he constantly dropped me from his life and only had me around when it was convenient for him.”

     “That prick. I'll kick his long-legged, nice thighs having ass. His personality obviously bites, but I gotta tell you Lou, you have good taste. He’s almost too good-looking, but if it had been me, I’d have chosen long, tan, and handsome beside him. Jesus Christ," Niall babbled, oogling Zayn. "What planet is he from because they don’t make them like that here."

     I rolled my eyes and stifled a laugh. “Shut up, Niall. Let’s g- Did you just wink at him?!”

     “Actually, I winked at Harry, because he won’t stop staring over here," Niall grinned wickedly, then proceeded to call out to him. "Hey, Curly!”

     “Niall!” I screeched, slapping my hand over his mouth. As if we honestly needed it, we now had an audience. Niall licked my palm, causing me to withdraw my hand in disgust and wipe it on his grey t-shirt while he took the opportunity to yell at Harry again, “Why don’t you take a picture of him? It’ll last you longer, asshole!”

     Panic swept through my body, leaving me feeling like I'd just been electrocuted. "Stop! You’re making a scene, Niall. We’re gonna get thrown out and I really want to go buy The Fray’s third album!”

     "I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't talk to my friend that way," Zayn shouted back.

     "Then teach him some manners! Didn’t mommy ever tell you it’s not nice to stare, Curly? You put Louis through enough as it is. Fuck off before I vomit on the both of you," Niall retorted, dragging me away by the sleeve of my denim jacket. I stole a glance at Harry to see him still watching me. His face fell; he almost looked... guilty. I sighed and turned forward, allowing Niall to pull me in the direction of the music store. I shouldn’t let Harry get under my skin after all this time, but it’s something I haven’t been able to control since I was twelve. It’s fucking pathetic if you think about it. It’s not like Harry and I ever did anything. We never kissed. We never held hands. We never had sex. All we ever did was talk for hours on end and make empty promises to each other. Maybe that’s just it though. My feelings for him were deeply emotional, the kind that bury themselves into the core of your soul and fight like hell to stay. I’ve fought like hell to get them to leave. I even tried dating other people who managed to take him off of my mind for a while. It never worked out for me the way I had intended. No one made me lose those feelings for Harry. No matter how close I got to leaving the memories of him behind, they came back to haunt me.

     “Did you really have to do that?” I asked as we entered the music store.

     “Mhm,” He nodded. “Your lack of confidence and love life is his fault and he’s gonna know it.”

     “I'm certain the entire building knows of my so called 'lack of confidence and love life.' The blame can’t solely be placed on him, Ni. It’s partially my fault too.”

     Niall stared at me in disbelief. "Are you seriously victim blaming yourself? The blame is SO placed on him and him only. I know you, Louis. You're not the kind of guy to give up on people. You're generous, you're forgiving, and you're kind. A little too kind if you ask me, but kind nonetheless. If you and Harry had a falling out, it wasn't anything you did."

     "I'm not victim blaming myself. I'm just stating the truth." Regardless if Niall wanted to believe it or not, mine and Harry’s falling out was my fault as well. I shouldn’t have allowed myself to get so close to him. I should’ve let him go the first time he dropped me from his life.

     “Louis,” Niall said softly, tearing me away from my thoughts.

     “What?”

     “Are you okay?” He asked, his brows knitting together in concern.

     I sighed, staring past him at the reflection of the store lights on the window. “No, but I will be.”

     “Harry fucked you up more than you let on, didn’t he?”

     I stared at my black vans and nodded, bits and pieces of the day I met Harry flashing through my mind.

     “Thank God you have me as your best friend. I’m helping you through this regardless if it works or not.”

     I grinned and laughed lightly. “Thanks, mate.”

     “Don’t mention it, mate,” he beamed, slapping my shoulder.

     I was 110% blessed by every God to have ever existed to have Niall as my best friend. He cared about me more than I cared about myself. It was comforting to know I had someone willing to back me up any time I needed it. I’m certainly going to need it after today. Seeing Harry brings out parts of me I want hidden from the world, and most importantly, myself.


	2. I Know You Don’t Care

     I searched each row for The Fray’s ‘Scars & Stories’ and couldn’t find it anywhere. Hell, I never can find anything when I come here. It’s like as soon as I enter, I forget everything I listen to.

     "Still looking for The Fray?" Niall asked.

     "Yeah," I answered. “I’m having no luck.” I looked over at him and the wanker already has five CDs in his hands, Fleetwood Mac's first album peeking out through his fingers. It still amazes me how great Niall is at finding damn near anything. Lost your shoe in Time Square on New Years? Fear not, for Niall will find it in under a minute. The walking ball of sunshine has an eye for detail that rivals Sherlock Holmes'.

     "Hold these and I'll look for it," He said, handing me his stack of prehistoric music. He had Fleetwood Mac, the Beach Boys, the Eagles, Don Henley, and ABBA. I can't believe people actually listen to ABBA... 

     "Found it!" He rejoiced only a few seconds later, a cheeky grin plastered to his face.

     "You're a saint and I love you."

     “Aw shucks, Lou. You're gonna make me blush." Niall winked, grabbing his CDs. I snatched his ABBA CD and held it up, a questioning smile on my face.

     Niall's grin turned into a patronizing one, "It's a gift for my mother, I'll have you know."

     "I believe it, Super Trouper."

     "I can't stand you."

     I cackled, clapping Niall on the back. "Come on, Dancing Queen. Let's check out."

     "Wait, I'm not done. There's just one more I have to find."

     I rolled my eyes with a smile, then walked up to the glass covered counter and bought my CD. I walked back over to my favorite dork, almost skipping with excitement. I've wanted this album since I was in the womb.

     "Almost done there?" I asked, swinging my bag.

     "Yeap. Just looking for one more.”

     "Let me guess," I began, already knowing the answer. "Justin Bieber?"

     "Don't judge me, Zuko."

     "I can't tell if you're picking on me or not," I frowned.

     Niall winked and continued his search for one of Justin Bieber's albums that I cared nothing for. Once he did find it, he turned around and stared straight at the entrance.

     “Your boyfriend and my future husband just walked in,” He informed me.

     “I can never catch a fucking break," I muttered, scratching at the back of my head.

     "Curly’s walking over so I'm gonna go ahead and pay for my stuff and leave you two to it," He said, slapping my shoulder and merrily abandoning me.

     "You are the worst best friend ever," I called out to him.

     Niall blew me a kiss and dropped his CDs onto the counter. To my surprise, Zayn walked over to him.

     "Hi Lou," Harry said from behind me. My heart constricted at the sound of his voice saying my nickname. I felt overwhelmed and I hadn't even said a word to him. I turned around to face him and sighed, that’s when I really got a good look at him. He’s even more beautiful than the last time I saw him. It's strange what two years can do to a person, how fast it can change the way the look. His brown curls were down to his shoulders, his malachite eyes were shining, his voice was much deeper, and that smile combined with his dimples that never failed to make me weak in the knees were more dashing than I remembered. I mentally slapped myself for getting so lost and reminded myself to not let my guard down.

     "What do you want, Harry?" I asked, malice evident in my tone. If I don’t stay strong, I’ll break down and I cannot do that in front of him. He can’t see me being weak. I have to show him that I can survive without him, and that I made it this far and I can go even further.

     "For starters, to say hello obviously. I haven't seen you in a long time," He shrugged.

     "Wonder whose fault that is," I retorted, then began walking away.

     "Not again,” He rolled his eyes, gently grabbing my arm. “Come on Lou. You know I don't talk to people much anymore.”

     "Let go of my arm or so help me GOD I'll break your fucking nose." Harry released me immediately, his hand still in the air, and shock written all over his handsome features. I'd never been so mean to him before, and honestly, it didn't make me feel any better. "You haven't said a word to me in two years. Hell, the last time I saw you, you ignored me. The fact that you have the audacity to pretend you did nothing wrong is incredible, and annoying."

     Harry was silent, watching my every move, listening to every word, so I continued. "Can you even comprehend how much it hurt me to lose you? You were supposed to be my best friend."

     "I don't know what you want me to say. I mean, I'm sorry."

     "Fuck you and your apology. Don't speak to me again, because if you do, you'll sweet talk me into forgiving you, and God knows I'll let you back into my life. Then, you'll notoriously leave again, and I refuse to subject myself to that torture again," I snapped, and stalked out of the store.

     "Louis wait," Harry called out after me. "I didn't realize I hurt you that badly. I'm sorry!"

     I ignored him and stormed out. How dare he apologize to me and pretend it’s no big deal! Niall better hurry his ass up. I can't take being in the same vicinity as Harry anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know these are pretty short but I'm doing my best to make them longer and less boring hah.


	3. You’ve Made It So Clear

     "Thanks for waiting, asshole," Niall said once he opened the passenger side door and got in.

     "Sorry. I just needed to be away from him."

     "I'm sorry, Lou," He said, with a sympathetic smile.

     "It's fine. I'll be fine."

     "I know you’re not, but when you’re ready to talk about it, I’m here." 

     “I’d be lost without you Nialler,” I smiled.

     “I know,” He beamed.

     My phone sounded off to alert me of a new message. The number flashing on my screen was unknown, but the first three digits were the same as mine, so its gotta be someone from my town. I swiped the screen and read the message.

  
|| Hey it's Harry. Please talk to me. ||

  
     …How the fuck did he get my number? "Harry just texted me," I said in utter confusion.

     "Oh,” Niall said, occupying himself with his dirt covered shoelace. “That's unfortunate."

     I looked at Niall curiously, noting that he was hiding something. Then, it finally clicked; he gave Harry my number. "NIALL JAMES HORAN WHY WOULD YOU GIVE HIM MY NUMBER?"

     He jumped from my sudden outburst and began to ramble, "I'm sorry! Technically I gave it to Zayn because he was worried about Harry! Harry looked pathetic and sad and then he asked me if you hated him then he got even more upset and dammit Louis I had to, okay?”

     “No, you didn’t! You didn’t have to give him my number! Why would you do that without my damn consent?” I demanded. 

     “You need some form of fucking closure from him, Louis. This is how you’re going to get it. Talk to him, and end this, or don’t. Maybe you two can start all over again.”

     "That doesn't mean you can give out my number! I don't want him in my life anymore,” I said, though it was the biggest lie I’d said in years.

     "You do too. Stop lying to yourself. You wouldn't be this upset if you didn't want him in your life.”

     "Bullshit," I snapped.

     "Bulltrue!" He argued back, his eyes seeing through me like clear glass. I sat back in my seat and crossed my arms, sulking. I can't believe he'd do that to me. I don't need Harry Styles. I can be happy without him.

     A few seconds later, I got another text.

  
|| Louis, talk to me. I know where you live and don’t think I won't make the drive over there. ||

 

  
     I sighed in frustration and texted him back, my fingers flying over my screen.

    

// I have nothing to say to you. Leave me alone. And furthermore, I'm not going to my house. So good luck finding me there. //

  
|| Then Zayn and I will drive to your grandmum's. ||

  
     "Jesus fucking Christ NO,” I shouted, punching the roof of my red sonata.

     "What?!” Niall exclaimed, clutching his chest. I almost smiled knowing I scared him. Karma’s a bitch, innit?

     "He won’t leave me alone and now he and Zayn are coming over to my grandmum's,” I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose.

     "What for? Did you invite them?”

     "Why the hell would I invite them over? You shouldn't have given out my number, Niall. He's not gonna leave me alone."

     “Well shit, Lou. I’m sorry,” He apologized, a sincere look in his eyes. “I thought this would be a good opportunity for you to really let this guy go or something. You looked gutted when you saw him.”

     "I was. I miss him all of the time, Ni. I can’t even convince myself that I don’t want him. I’m just scared, I guess. I mean, what if I give in and let him come back and he leaves for good this time? I'll be stuck here feeling like the most worthless piece of shit ever while he won't spare another thought about me.”

     "I’ll choke him with his own thighs if he does, but you can’t worry yourself with what ifs. So how about this, what if you don’t give him a chance and you end up miserable for the rest of your life?"

     I didn’t reply and looked out of the window at the cloud filled sky. The sun was hidden, providing a nice shade from its harsh gaze. Niall’s right, but either way I’ll be stuck with these feelings while Harry moves on and finds himself someone new.

     Niall reached out and gently grabbed my hand. "Give him a chance to redeem himself. Make him understand how much he really hurt you.”

     I nodded and sighed. Talking to him couldn’t do me any more harm than the past few years have. “I hate it when you make sense, Ni.”

     “You love it. Now, text him back and make sure he’s bringing Zayn. I gotta at least bask in his ambiance if I can’t fuck him,” He said, his smile almost feral.

     “Niall!” I exclaimed. Man was he bold as Hell today.

     “Don’t even START, Louis Tomlinson. The things you’ve said about David Beckham are more NC-17 than what I just said. Let me refresh your memory.”

     “Please don’t.”

     “I’m gonna make him a t-shirt with ‘I ate the luscious ass of Louis Tomlinson and I loved it’ in Comic Sans on the front. Then, I’m gonna put your phone number on the back for the entire world to see.”

     “I hate you. So much.”

     “I love you too, angel eyes,” He winked. “Now get out and let me drive. You have a conversation to tend to.”

     I groaned and switched places with Niall. After ten minutes of staring at the screen of my phone, I texted Harry back.

 

// Fine, but if I don't like anything you're saying, Haz, you're leaving and I don't want to speak to you ever again. //

  
|| Fair enough. See you soon. ||

  
     I can't believe I'm breaking the promise I made to myself. After years of swearing I’d never let this happen again, I’m letting it happen again. I'd rather just curl up in my bed and drown my sorrows in a bowl of ice cream the size of Jupiter. I suppose self-pity parties are below me now.


	4. I'm the One You Cheated

     I couldn’t stop pacing in the orange glow of the kitchen. My grandmum’s golden retriever, Blue, sat at the door, watching my every move with confusion. What the hell do I say to Harry when he gets here? I know fuck all about him now. Do I at least look okay? Ugh, what does it matter what I look like? I shouldn’t be trying to impress him. Seriously though, do I look bad? Maybe a new shirt would help… Harry’s much more handsome than he was before. I look like Steve Buscemi compared to him.

     "Stop pacing, Lou. You’re making me nervous, and I have no reason to be,” Niall said from the couch. “You’re getting too worked up. He just wants to talk.”

     "I can't help it! What do I say to him?" I demanded, pausing to lean against the olive green recliner.

     Niall shrugged. "Just say what you feel. Let everything you kept inside of you out."

     "It's not that easy,” I sighed, rubbing the back of my neck. “I don't know what exactly I’m feeling.”

     "You'll know what to do when the conversation begins. I'll be in here so you two can have your privacy. I'll keep my husband and his stupid eyes occupied in here."

     I guffawed, “There will be no fornicating on my grandparents’ couch under any circumstances.”

     “Okay, but how about this, what if I never get another chance to do him? That’d be the worst wasted opportunity. I’ll never meet another man as handsome as him again.”

     “Hm, well when you put it that way, sure. Just not on the couch. This is a family sanctuary.”

     “It won’t be anymore when he deflowers me,” Niall grinned, his brow quirking up.

     I snorted, “Deflower you my ass.” A strip of light ran across the vintage wood paneling, and my heart stopped, knowing someone had pulled into the driveway. The sound of tires on concrete confirmed my sudden fear of Harry being here. My breathing became more rapid as I paced again, popping my knuckles out of a nervous habit.

     "Calm down and take a deep breath or twelve," Niall said, stilling me by grabbing my shoulders. “You can do this.” He hugged me, and I felt somewhat sated. I felt like I would sob any second now. I hated this feeling of helplessness and despair. It was as familiar as the smell of home, but I never grew used to it.

     Three knocks resounded on the glass door, and I wanted nothing more than to dash to my grandmum’s room and hide under the bed. I made no signs of movement, so Niall answered the door. I stood at the end of the brown table, my arms crossed, and looked down at my bare feet.

     “Nice to see you again, Curly,” Niall greeted, as Harry and Zayn walked through the door.

     “Yeah, um. Hello again,” Harry spoke slowly. I stole a glance at him, our eyes connecting immediately. The fluttering in my chest increased and I had to take a deep breath in an attempt to calm myself. In a single stride with his giraffe legs, Harry stood directly in front of me, his ever wandering green eyes boring into mine.

     "Can we… go outside and talk?" He asked, talking faster than usual. He’s just as nervous as I am. Harry never speaks fast. It always takes at least a decade for him to finish a sentence.

     I nodded, and walked past him to the door. I was greeted with warm air which contrasted greatly with the coolness of my grandmum’s house. Her thermostat stayed on 23C, permanently. The woman loathed the heat. I made my way to the green striped two seated swing, and perched on it.

     "So what do you want to talk about?" I asked as Harry ungracefully sat beside me, the swing clanging against the metal frame.

     Harry sighed, raking his ring covered hand through his gorgeous brown locks. “I don’t know where to start to be completely honest.”

     “Well, take your time, I guess.”

     “I’m sorry, Lou. I’ve been stupid and selfish, and I’m sorry. I didn’t know I hurt you the wat I did. I didn’t really spare a thought about the two of us not speaking. I grew so used to it that it didn’t make much of an imprint,” He shrugged, not looking me in the eyes. “I haven’t really spoken to anyone after my sophomore year of high school and that’s my fault. I shouldn't have stopped talking to you. You've been the best since the 6th grade.”

     I squeezed my eyes shut, willing myself to calm down and not sock him right in the schnoz. “Don’t say that to me. Don’t you ever fucking say that to me again, Harry. You use that worn out card every single time we fight,” I snapped, my fists clenching. “I don’t give a fuck if you think I’m the best ever since the 6th grade. You’re goddamn right I am. I don’t need you to tell me that, so cut the shit, Styles. Past apologies are lazy and damn sure aren’t going to work this time.”

     "What do you want me from me Louis?” Harry demanded. “I said I'm sorry! What more is there?"

     I raised my brow at him and let out a humorless laugh, "With that attitude, I don’t want a damn thing.”

     He rolled his eyes and stood up, walking around my patio with his hands on his hips. “Then what, Louis? What do you want me to say?”

     I shouldn’t find it so unbelievable that he wouldn’t take this seriously. Harry hasn’t changed a fucking bit that I can see. This is going to get me nowhere. Jesus Christ I shouldn’t have interacted with him earlier. “You know, you could start by giving me an actual apology. Like, one you honestly mean. You’re only apologizing because that’s what you think is necessary. If you don’t mean it, don’t fucking say it.”

     “I did mean it!” He exclaimed, stalking back over and harshly sitting down again. “I don’t know how else I can reiterate that so it will be enough for you.”

     “Well maybe if you would try to understand the damage you’ve done to me, I’d accept your half-assed apology,” I said, turning my body around to face him.

     “Then explain it to me, Louis. What did I supposedly do to you?”

     “You were supposed to be my best friend, Harry. You were supposed to be there for me the way I was for you. We promised each other we'd stay close no matter what happened in our lives,” I began, noting the way his eyes was cast downward, and his arms crossed over his chest. “You were never a background friend to me. Not once did I fail to put you before everybody else in my life. Why did I do it? Probably because your happiness mattered a whole lot more to me than my own.”

     “You weren’t a background friend to me either,” He said in a soft voice, fiddling with the silver ring on his pointer finger.

     “Sure I wasn’t. I was just the moron who answered your desperate phone calls at three in the morning when you needed someone to listen to you whine, bitch, and moan about Nick.”

     Harry’s head snapped up, he opened his mouth to speak, but I beat him to it.

     “My life went to shit after you dropped me. I thought I had done something to make you go. I questioned myself nearly every single goddamn day about what I did, and what was so awful about me that made you not care about me anymore.” I felt vulnerable, and exposed. There was no guarantee for me that Harry would care about anything I was saying. I needed him to understand. Hell, I need _him._ I rested my head on my hand that I had propped up on the back of the swing.

     “You used to be so charming. You were so full of life and full of compassion. The positive energy you put out was contagious. A two minute conversation with you was enough to put me in a good mood for weeks. What the fuck happened to you? What happened to the charming dork who used to call me constantly because he missed me and wanted to know little things about me, like how my day went or something trivial like my favorite time of the day?”

     Harry sat there, looking around with no hint of disinterest on his face nor in his body language. I could tell he was actually listening, which I was grateful for. If anything, he owes it to me to sit here and let me talk.

     “What happened to the guy who got so excited when he wrote a new song and wanted my opinion on it even though he knew I thought anything he did was incredible? Or how about the guy who would remind me every hour the night before my birthday that it was in just a few hours and would call me at midnight to scream it repeatedly? What happened to the guy who actually cared? I don't fucking know you anymore, Harry," I spat.

     His malachite eyes were full of sorrow. It struck a chord within me, urging me to continue. At this point, I don’t think anything nor anyone could keep me from getting two years worth of pent up rage, pain, anxiety, and more out of my system.

     "You will never understand, Harry. I've needed you every day since you left my life. I felt worthless and pathetic when I didn’t hear from you again. I still do, even now. Usually when I get too far down because I reminisce over the past, my moment of clarity shines through and I say to myself, why should I feel like this after every fucking thing I've done for you? I did E V E R Y T H I N G for you! I put aside my feelings, my responsibilities, and my damn life just to make sure you didn’t commit suicide. You almost spiraled out of control after Nick Grimshaw broke your heart,” I said, malice in my tone. I never liked talking about Nick, not when it came to him, Harry, and myself.

     “You had me terrified that you were gonna kill yourself. Nothing scared me more than the thought of losing you because of what that gangly asshole did to you. So who helped you put yourself back together during those months you spent crying about him? Me. Every time you called, every time you texted me, I picked up my phone and did all that I could to calm you down, or help take your mind off of him. It didn’t matter if you called at two in the morning or during school hours.”

     Harry still said nothing, but this time when I looked at him, he was looking at me. The sky above us darkened with grey clouds, though there was no sign of lightning nor thunder. It was silent, save for the man riding by my grandmum’s house on his white moped.

     I chewed on my bottom lip and continued, “I was so fucking annoyed by the end of it because I hated Nick and how he treated you. It really pissed me off that you even after you realized how shit he was, you sulked and wanted him back, but did I once tell you to get over it or shut the fuck up? Never. I listened to you because that’s what you needed. None of your friends cared to hear you drone on and on about that greasy fuck but me. Not Zayn, not Ben, not Liam, not even your own sister.” I could feel myself ripping apart. There was no way I could swallow the boulder stuck in the back of my throat. My eyes burned and all I wanted now was for the sky to pour so it could mask the river that was about to pour down my cheeks.

     “Let me ask you something before I finish. Why was I the one you discarded after all of that bullshit? Why was I the ‘friend’ you treated like shit and stopped associating with? How the fuck could you do that to me?” I shouted, the dam breaking. My composure was practically non-existent as I sat there sobbing, my head in my hands.

     I felt Harry grab me and pull me into his chest, wrapping his arms around me. I sobbed even harder at the familiar feeling of his embrace, not fighting against him like I knew I should be doing.

     "I'm so fucking sorry," he whispered repeatedly, rubbing circles on my back. My sobs quieted down after a while. I pulled back after I began sniveling, forcing Harry to loosen his hold on me.

     "Please look at me," he whimpered, gently grabbing my hands. I couldn’t look at him though. I knew I’d cry all over again if I had to see those beautiful green eyes.

     "No," I sniffled, wiping my eyes on my arms since my hands were still being held.

     Harry grabbed my jaw with little force and forced my head up to meet his gaze, but I closed my eyes tightly. "Look at me!" He demanded desperately.

     I forced my eyes open and met his, finally. The pang in my chest was one of shock. Tears stained his alabaster cheeks, some still falling. His eyes held the very same emotions I felt: pain, sorrow, regret, longing… We held each other’s gaze a while before he began to speak.

     "I'm sorry. I’m so sorry for treating you like garbage, for throwing away the best friendship I've ever had for my own selfish needs. I was so oblivious to you and only cared about how to make myself feel better,” he said, taking in shaky breaths. “I was so fucking stupid… I was a monster for hurting you the way I have, for the way I still am. I… I don't know what else to say.”

Harry gulped, “I shouldn't have done this to you. You’ve done so much for me, and I know that. You were always there and I barely was for you. Please Lou, let me make it up to you. Let me fix everything between us. I've been breaking your heart since the sixth grade and it’s not fair for you if I continue breaking it.”

     “Harry,” I began. “That was-“

     “No, let me finish. I need to say this. I need to be truthful with you,” he said quickly, grabbing my hands again.

     I sat there and nodded ever so slightly, urging Harry on.

     He looked down at our hands, taking a deep breath, his eyes closing, almost as if he was in prayer. “I’m constantly missing something from my life. It took losing you and seeing you again today to realize that you are what’s missing. I need you, Louis. More than you know and I know I won’t be able to convince you of that. I'm just so sorry. Please forgive me!" He wept and crumbled into my lap. I draped myself across him and let my already weak emotions flow freely once more. He wrapped his arms around my waist and laid there, clinging to me as if I was a buoy in the ocean saving him from being submerged into the darkest abyss with no hope of resurfacing.  

     "Please forgive me," he begged hoarsely.

     I gently rubbed his back and managed to pull him closer. "Of course."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everything Louis says to Harry is exactly what I would love to say to the person Harry is based off of. I apologize to anyone who has been through something similar, is currently going through something similar, or is haunted by a situation like this.


	5. It’s All In My Head, There’s Not Much I Can Do

Harry and Zayn left an hour later. I'm a bit relieved to be honest. I don't think I could handle being around him any longer. I just can't stop asking myself if I made the right decision. I mean, he seemed like he was genuinely sorry. He cried and that's something he only does when he's extremely upset. The only time I ever really heard him cry was when he would call me about Nick. That was something that always broke my heart. Nick was actually a good friend of mine and he knew a lot about my history with Harry. So that really fucked things up when he went after him. I let it go because I figured, why not? Maybe he’ll be good for Harry and I shouldn't be an asshole just because I still love Harry. I knew he'd fall for Nick's charm. Everyone fell for Nick one way or another. There was no doubt about that. Back before Harry and Nick ever met, he didn’t try so hard win anyone’s approval. He was content with who he was and what he wanted out of life. Nick constantly degraded him and did everything he could to wrap my boy around his finger. He won in the end. He successfully broke Harry Styles. Harry was never the same after. Harry was so sweet and so much fun before. I miss that Harry. Life’s not always fair. At least not for me. Not when it comes to Harry.  
"Want me to make you something to eat? You look drained." Niall asked, breaking me away from my thoughts.  
"No it’s fine. I’ll find something. I’m just thinking.”  
“You’ve been doing that for hours now mate. Are you gonna be okay?”  
“I think so. I’m just scared.”  
"It'll be fine. If he hurts you again, I'll kick his ass and you'll know for sure whether or not you need him."  
"Thanks Ni.” I chuckled lightly. “So how was your alone time with Zayn?”  
"I wanted to strangle him at first. After I rivaled him with my wit and unbelievably brilliant mind, he loosened up and we actually got on well.”  
"You got his number right?" I grinned, already knowing the answer.  
"All 11 digits." He said dreamily.  
"Niall Horan you dog!" I laughed loudly.  
Niall's quite the charmer when it comes to getting himself a man. He’s got a great sense of humor, his eyes are as blue as the ocean, his blond hair kind of adds to his boyish good looks. I don’t know. It’s just when he’s around, it’s hard to not be happy. His good moods are contagious. Zayn was the only friend of Harry’s I didn’t completely hate. Plus he never caused trouble with anyone, so he’ll be good for Niall. After trusting my gut for so long and knowing which people are good and which are bad, I know Zayn is good. I shouldn’t even be worrying about Ni, it’s Zayn I should worry about. Niall is a handful and will eat him up.  
"What’s on the agenda for tomorrow? We don’t have to be back at Uni for another month.” Niall asked.  
"I’ve never been happier to hear those words. I don’t know man. What do you wanna do?”  
“Something involving a guy whose name starts with ‘Z’.”  
I rolled my eyes fondly and reached into my pocket to dig out my phone.  
It vibrated right as I touched it and I hurriedly whipped it out to unlock it. I couldn’t stop the smile spreading on my face when I saw it was Harry.

|| Can we hang out tomorrow? ||

"Uh… Harry wants me to hang out with him tomorrow.” I said.  
"Well do you want to? Are you up for it so soon?"  
"I kinda want to. I think I’ll be fine."  
“Then hang out with him. Work on patching things up. It might be exactly what you need. Technically, you already got closure. So what’s left? ETERNAL HAPPINESS? AN EXTREMELY ATTRACTIVE CURLY-HAIRED BOY WAITING FOR YOU DOWN THE AISLE?”  
I took my shoe off and chucked at Niall who narrowly missed it.  
“Your aim is just as bad as your game.” He cackled.  
“Go call Zayn or something you wanker.”  
“With pleasure.” He sing-songed and dove onto my couch.  
I averted my attention back to my phone and worried my bottom lip between my teeth. Maybe it is too soon. Maybe I should wait a few days. Eh. Fuck it. I want to see him again and I’m going to. I mean, this is what I've wanted for years now, is it not? 

// I’d like that. Where exactly do you want to hang out? //

|| I figured we could do what we used to. Sit around at your house, listen to music, talk all night, and finally fall asleep at 5 in the morning lol. You know, just catch up on everything we missed. ||

I smiled. The last time we actually did that was such a fun night. I forced back a laugh at one particular thing he’d said around 12 or 1 A.M.

"Man I'm hungry!"  
"Go eat then!"  
"All you got in there is cheese and peanut butter!"

Not the funniest thing ever but we were both running off of 2 full nights of no sleep and everything was hilarious then.

// That's definitely do-able. See you then Haz. //

|| Awesome! Well, I’ll see you tomorrow Lou. :) ||

It took me so long to realize it, but good lord I need Harry more than anyone will ever understand. Life without him has proven to be something I don’t ever want to experience again.


	6. I Can’t Stay Mad At You or Change Anything That I Had

It's now tomorrow. Niall went home and Harry's on his way over. I’m getting myself worked up again. We haven't hung out like this in so long… 

|| Hey I’m almost there. ||

Great. Ugh. Fuck. Would it be acceptable to hide under my bed for the next 10 years? Not many people would miss me. Niall might. Then again, he might be preoccupied with Zayn by then. 

// Just come on in when you get here. The door’s unlocked. //

I need to remember to take deep breaths like Ni told me before he left. Deep breaths and optimistic thoughts.  
Five minutes later, I heard my front door open and close.  
"Lou?" Harry called out.  
My heart raced.  
"In here." I croaked from my bedroom.  
He walked in and leaned against my doorway smiling, dimples and all. “Hey.”  
_Shit. Don’t do that. Don’t still be breathtaking._  
He was wearing a red button-down that revealed a bit of his chest, black skinny jeans, and those stupid brown boots he has had forever that I secretly loved on him.  
"Hey." I replied, my bottom lip once again between my teeth.  
He walked over to where I was sitting on the floor and sat beside me.  
"So what do we do now?" He asked.  
"I'm not sure. We've done this a thousand times, but it feels so new right now."  
"Yeah.” He agreed, letting out a nervous laugh. “We could talk some more? Or we could watch our movie?" He suggested.  
I looked at him astonished. He remembered our movie. I grinned and nodded almost instantly.  
"You know, I haven’t watched Grease since the last time I was here." He pointed out.  
"Me too.”  
To be honest, I didn’t have the heart to watch it after Harry and I stopped talking, and it was my favorite movie.  
“Shall we quote it to death and sing our hearts out? If I’m not mistaken, you ended up getting the lead role of Danny Zuko at your school.” Harry smiled.  
“How’d you know about that?” I asked.  
I got that role after we stopped speaking. Also, Harry and I didn’t attend the same high school, so how did he know that?  
His smile faded and a rosy blush tinted his cheeks.  
“I uh…” He cleared his throat. “I kinda stumbled upon some of your social media accounts and found out that way.”  
I looked at him in disbelief. Damn. He really _did_ think of me occasionally.  
“Oh. Well… Yeah, I did get the lead role. It was amazing, Haz. That was one of the best times of my life.”  
Harry smiled brightly at me. “Tell me more about it. I want to hear everything.”  
I bit my lip to try and hold back my grin, then proceeded to tell him about the auditions and the mishaps on stage that just made the experience more fun. Drama has been a huge passion of mine for a long time. I love it. Hopefully after Uni, I can teach it. Maybe even act on stage someday!  
The smile on Harry’s face never left throughout my detailed story. My stomach did flips every time I’d look at him. When did he become so attentive? Or was he always like that and I just never noticed?  
“That sounds amazing, Lou. I always knew drama was your calling. Wish I could’ve seen it. You’ve never let me hear you sing no matter how many times I've begged and then you go on stage and belt it out in front of an audience. I’m getting jealous over here.” Harry said, his smile still taking over his entire face. His dimples still drove me insane and I had to force myself to not lean over and kiss them both.  
“Maybe I’ll show you a video of it. Let you see all the appeal you missed out on.” I winked.  
“Is that a promise? That better be a promise.”  
“If you put in Grease, it might be.”  
“I’ll take that as a yes.” He rejoiced and crawled over to my T.V.  
I drug myself up from the floor and laid horizontally on my bed, Harry doing the same after he put the movie in.  
The title menu came on and Harry and I both groaned.  
“I can’t believe you _still_ have the same T.V. and DVD player in one. You don’t even have a remote to it.”  
"I’m gonna use it until it burns out dammit!" I said, getting up to press play.  
As soon as I laid back down, the menu for full or widescreen popped up.  
“Harry, it’s your turn.”  
“No way!” He whined. “You were just up.”  
“It’s still your turn you pansy.”  
"I'm not a pansy." He grumbled, then rolled off the bed and pressed play.  
I gave him a shit-eating grin and rested my chin on the back of my hands.  
"It's your turn next time." He teased.  
"I know. I dread it."  
Harry chuckled and watched closely as the movie started.  
“I’m glad we’re on good terms again, Louis.” He spoke up after a few minutes in all seriousness.  
“Yeah. Me too.” I agreed.  
My phone rang loudly from the floor and I sighed. Who the hell is interrupting me now?  
“Want me to get it for you?” Harry offered.  
“Please.” I responded thankful.  
Harry slid half-way off of my bed and easily reached my phone.  
“You people with your long ass arms.” I scoffed.  
“You’re just jealous.”  
“Am not!”  
“Are too! It’s Niall by the way. You might wanna answer it.”  
I grabbed my phone from his hands and answered the call.

‘Hello?’  
‘LOUIS! Hi. What’s up?’  
‘Not to be rude Ni, but what do you want?’  
‘I can’t check in on my best friend to see if he’s okay? Damn Lou. You’ve changed.’  
I rolled my eyes and laughed. ‘I’m fine. I appreciate your concern.’  
‘I’ve been hearing that a lot lately. Is Harry there?’  
‘Yeah he’s here.’  
‘Did he get it in yet?’  
My face heated up and I prayed to God that Harry didn’t hear Niall. My prayers were not received once I heard him cackling.  
‘I hate you, Niall. I hope you know he heard that.’  
‘Did he really? HEY HARRY, STICK IT IN BEFORE I DO!’  
Harry howled with laughter which only increased my embarrassment.  
‘OKAY NIALL BYE!’

I hung up faster than I ever have in my entire life, then tried to suffocate myself with my pillow. Harry was still laughing which only made me 10 times more embarrassed.  
“It’s not funny!” I complained, my voiced muffled by my pillow.  
Harry laughed even harder. “Yes it is!”  
I looked up and glared at him, then pushed him off the bed. He collided with the floor pretty damn hard and I had to stifle a laugh of my own.  
“Ow…”  
“Whoops… You okay?” I asked almost too innocently.  
I yelped when Harry grabbed my wrist and yanked. I slid off my bed with ease and landed sideways on Harry, the wind being knocked out of me for a few seconds.  
“Now I am.” He said was a smug look on his face.  
“Asshole.” I gasped once I regained my breath.  
“You shouldn’t have pushed me off the bed.” He shrugged.  
“Your fault.” I replied, rolling off of Harry.  
“So, how long have you and Niall been friends?”  
“We actually met when I first moved. He lived in my neighborhood and knocked on my door one day looking for his dog. We didn’t become close friends until we started high school.”  
“How come I just met him then?”  
I shrugged. “He had his personal life, I had mine. Not like it mattered. You weren’t around very long.”  
Harry looked away at that. Since I didn’t want to get into that again, I changed the subject.  
“So… Please tell me Zayn is interested in Niall. I’m pretty sure he’ll set someone’s car on fire if not.” I said.  
Harry’s eyes widened and he forced back a laugh.  
“I’m being serious. You don’t know what Niall is capable of. He’s a wild one.”  
“Is he really that much to handle?”  
“In the best of ways.” I smiled. “He’s the best little Irish shit around.”  
Harry chuckled. “Zayn is _very_ interested in Niall. Wouldn’t shut up about him after we left, which makes me immensely happy because Zayn hasn’t been into anyone since him and Liam broke up a year ago.”  
My jaw dropped. I completely forgot Zayn and Liam were an item. “But they were together for so long! What happened?”  
“Liam wasn’t in love with him anymore, or so he says. Turns out he had a girl on the side and left Zayn for her. I’d never seen Zayn so heartbroken. It really pissed me off too. I blessed Liam out for weeks. He finally cut off all contact with our group not long after. I don’t care though. What he did to Zayn was despicable and low.”  
My heart ached for Zayn. That sounds terrible.  
“I thought those two were gonna last forever. They seemed so happy and perfect. I guess everything must come to an end. Especially when there’s something, or someone better around the corner.”  
“Yeah.” Harry nodded. “Zayn deserves someone amazing. Niall’s not gonna hurt him right? I know they just met yesterday, but seeing Zayn so ecstatic about someone so fast has me worried. He’s gonna fall hard and fast.”  
“It’s rare when Niall finds someone he’s interested in. Takes someone pretty fucking special. I highly doubt he’d do anything to hurt Zayn. You should hear half the shit he says. Zayn had him captivated from the moment he saw him.”  
“I’m almost positive those two will be getting married in…” He paused, looking at his watch. “8 days.”  
I nearly choked I laughed so hard. “When you’re right, you’re right. If they do, you should call Liam and ask him to be the flower girl.”  
Harry snorted and wiped the tears from his eyes. “Oh man. That’s the best thing I’ve heard in a while. I just might do that after we're asked to be the best men."  
"I'm holding you to that I hope you know." I grinned.


	7. Your Interest in Me Is Like Dust on the Shelf

Throughout the movie, we did nothing but talk and reminisce on the good ol' days. I was on my front with my head resting on my left arm, Harry was on his side with his head propped up on his right arm. It was comforting knowing I wasn’t the only one who still adored our good memories together. They were the main reasons I couldn’t hate Harry.   
“It’s incredible to think of how much we have changed since we first met all those years ago.” Harry said. "You even look different."  
"It's called getting older, Haz. I’d like to think we changed for the better. Still, I sometimes miss our sixth grade memories. Well, some of them." I smiled.  
"Yeah.” Harry returned the smile, staring off. “Those were the days. I'm still sorry with how I was when we dated."   
I cringed. That was not something I liked to remember. Towards the end of the first time Harry and I dated, he started treating me like total shit and to this day I don’t know why. So I broke up with him and he thanked me. I remember feeling destroyed and so fucking empty. I ended having to go home because I couldn’t stop crying. Call me sensitive or whatever you like, but that shit isn’t something to be taken lightly. Harry knew how badly he hurt me after that. He apologized nearly every month after.   
"Harry, you’ve apologized to me so many times about that. We were just a couple of kids. Kids in way over their heads. At least we stayed best friends. Most don't do that and besides, I was the one who broke up with you every time anyway."  
"And for good reason too. I was an asshole. Still am."  
"Yeah, but that’s okay cause so am I."  
"True." He laughed and winked.  
I smiled and rolled my eyes.  
"Oh! I almost forgot." He began, reaching into his bag.  
"What?" I asked.  
He pulled out something I haven't seen in years and never thought I'd see again.  
"IRON MAN ROCK!" He screamed, his face practically glowing.  
I laughed so hard I cried. Iron Man Rock was part of a project we had in the sixth grade. We had to find a rock of some sort and create a character for it. It had a background story, how it became a rock, where you can find them, where it was found, stuff like that. Harry decided to dress his rock up as Iron Man. Hence the name, Iron Man Rock. I failed that assignment because I didn't do it. Our teacher was an evil bitch from hell, so occasionally I would rebel against her and not do her assignments. I passed the 6th grade so it’s not like that stupid project mattered anyway. I wanna say Harry failed too, but I can't remember. Either way, it brought back hilarious memories.  
"I cannot believe you still have that!" I exclaimed and laughed some more.  
"I'm never getting rid of it.” He grinned. “Remember Bubba Salt and Papa Rock?" He asked.  
"Jesus fucking Christ. By Papa Rock, do you mean the dance moves you gave him?"  
He put his face in his hands and laughed. "We got in trouble after that didn't we?" He asked.  
“Trouble is an understatement, Harold. Braydon had to separate all 5 of us because of the quote unquote inappropriate behavior.”  
“What inappropriate behavior? All I did was hold up a pencil and pretend to make Papa Rock pole dance.”  
“That’s inappropriate for 6th graders you moron.”  
“Oh please. Braydon only separated all of us because she hated you and me.”  
“Yeah. She did.” I agreed. "Do you remember when she kicked us out of detention?"  
Harry threw his head back and laughed loudly. "My God we were terrible students."  
"I was flawless thank you very much."  
Harry snorted. "If you were a good student, so was I."  
I winked at him and he laughed again.  
"So… Have you been seeing any guys lately?" He asked.  
“Oh yeah. Tons. Why?” I answered sarcastically.  
"I'm just curious." He shrugged.  
"Eh. I've liked a few guys here and there, but it never worked out in my favor. I did have a boyfriend for about 6 months, but I wasn’t happy so I broke up with him.” I answered.  
"Oh.” He frowned. “Anybody I know?”  
“Nosey.” I winked. “Nah. He wasn’t a friend of mine when you and I were.”  
“Why weren’t you happy?”   
I sighed. “I’ve been depressed for a long time. Some months I don’t suffer, but then it hits me and I just…I can’t handle being tied to someone. I can’t be happy with someone when I’m not happy with myself, you know? I don’t even think I really liked him to be honest. I think I made myself believe I liked him because I wanted to feel wanted by someone. It wasn’t fair to Ty because he’s an honest to God good person. He deserves someone who can love him whole-heartedly. That person isn’t me though. It never will be.”  
“I…I’m sorry, Louis.”  
I laughed humorlessly. I’d tell him it’s not his fault, but after him, I haven’t been able to be with anyone. It’s not fully his fault. It’s mine as well, but I’m going to keep all of that to myself.  
“It’s okay. I don’t like hurting people though. The guilt eats me alive until it’s all I can feel anymore.”  
“You did the right thing. Leading him on would’ve hurt him worse had you waited longer. You broke it off before he could become overly invested in you.”  
“Hopefully he wasn’t. I’d hate for him to turn into someone as bitter and sad as I am.” I replied, looking up at Harry.  
He looked sad. For me.   
“Don’t look at me like that, Harry. Please don’t.” I whimpered.  
He scooted over to me and pulled me into his arms. I relaxed and hugged him back. There were no tears. I wasn’t going to cry, at least not this time. All I needed right now was this: being Harry listening attentively and offering me whatever solace he could. His embrace was warm and cozy. It felt like home. It was familiar and everything I never knew I needed.  
“Are you gonna be okay?” He whispered softly.  
I nodded. “I will be one day. These feelings won’t last forever. Like I said, I have my good months and those are bound to come back to me soon.”  
He pulled back and studied me, not saying a word. I squirmed and tried to get up, but Harry tightened his arms around me, forcing me to stay put.  
“You’re making me uncomfortable.” I mumbled, staring past him.  
“Sorry. I’m just…trying to figure you out. You’re the same, but you’re so different, Lou.”  
“I’m not exactly sure what I’m supposed to say to that. Is it a good or bad thing?”  
“I’m not sure yet. You’re still sassy as hell and a complete goof, but you seem so exhausted.”  
I sighed and fiddled with my hands. He has _no_ idea.  
“How long have you been like this, Louis?”  
I looked up. “Like what? Depressed?”  
Harry nodded.  
“That’s a good question and one I don’t have an exact answer to. My guess is since I was 13? 14? It wasn’t as bad back then, but since I’ve gone so long without being treated for it, it has progressed into something worse and inescapable.”  
“Why aren’t you getting any help for it?”  
“Mum seems to think it’s all in my head. Something I can overcome if I just get out there and socialize.” I answered with mock enthusiasm.  
Harry frowned. “That’s pretty careless and inconsiderate on her part.”  
“Nothing I can do about it until I’m officially on my own. Can we change the subject now? I’d rather not talk about my mental health anymore. Let’s just pick up where we left off.” I almost begged, forcing my way out of Harry’s arms.  
“Oh. Well, if you do want to talk some more, I’m here okay?”  
I did my best to give him a genuine smile. “I appreciate it. Now where were we? Oh right. Significant others. What about you? Anybody?”  
“Not really. Except for Eric. Do you remember him?”  
“How could I forget? The ginger who said he’d kill himself if you broke up with him?” I asked, brow raised.  
“Mhm.” Harry nodded. “He and I dated again for a month about a year ago.”  
“Why? I thought you wanted nothing to do with him after you broke up with him the first time?”  
“He matured some. Figured why not give it another go.”  
“Oh, so he wasn’t an asshole this time around?”  
“No he was still a prick.”  
“Figures.” I rolled my eyes. Harry couldn’t pick people for shit. Eric was the world’s biggest dickhead when Harry introduced me to him. He barely spoke and when he did, he acted so uninterested. He probably was. Not like it mattered. The guy was overly obsessed with Harry and hated for him to have contact with anyone.   
Harry started laughing and I’d never been more confused.  
"What's so funny?" I asked.  
"We didn't even watch the movie."  
I looked over at my T.V. to see the credits rolling. “Well damn. I didn’t think we talked that long.”  
“We do tend to get lost in our own world when together. Wanna actually watch it now?”  
“We can try.” I laughed.  
Harry smiled as I started the movie over and got back in my spot on my bed. He remained on the floor, but leaned back against my arm that was hanging off. I pulled it from behind him only to hear him whine in protest. I rolled my eyes fondly and draped it across his chest. He reached up and laced his fingers with mine, making my heart beat a mile a minute. We stayed that way throughout the movie and I swore I had died and went to Heaven. Was I still in love with this curly-haired, green-eyed flower child? Absolutely.


	8. I'm Trying Hard, Real Hard, Every Day Not to Lose My Temper

After the movie, we both sat in total silence for a good 10 minutes. It wasn’t awkward, but quite the opposite. It gave us both time to think and just enjoy each other’s company. I forgot how amazing it felt to be near Harry. It’s like we fell back into our old routine almost immediately. Especially with the contact we were making. He still had our fingers laced together, drawing patterns on the back of my hand. It was soothing. Almost enough to lull me to sleep.  
“What’s on your mind?” I asked, my eyes closed.  
“Everything.” He answered after a while.  
“That’s pretty vague, Styles.”  
“Just…mainly our past leading up to now.”  
“What about our past?” I asked curiously, opening my eyes.  
He shrugged. “It’s not really important.”  
“So it’s something bad then.”  
“You could say that.”  
“What is it? It can't be that bad."  
“Do…" He began, but paused. "Do you ever talk to…Nick?”  
I froze. So that's what he was thinking of. Or should I say who he was thinking of. Of fucking course he would bring Nick up. I should have known he was still stupid for him.  
I snatched my hand out of his and sat up. “No. I don’t.” I snapped.  
He flinched. “Sorry for bringing him up. I was just curious.”  
“I’m sure you were.”  
Harry looked back at me and pouted. “Why are you so snappy?”  
“Maybe it’s because I don’t want to talk about your boyfriend.”  
Harry frowned. “He is _not_ my boyfriend.”  
“You could’ve fooled me. You’re still so fucking in love with him so forgive me for being misled."  
He sighed. "I'm not in love with him, Louis. I just wanted to know if you ever see him or talk to him. You two were friends way before I ever knew him."  
"I haven't seen him in 2 years nor do I care to see him ever again. He and I stopped being friends a long time ago after he fucked me over. You knew that. So why would you think he and I associate with each other anymore? Are you still keeping tabs on him? Still hoping he'll love you in return? Don’t think I haven’t seen you trailing after him constantly over the years. You and I still have mutual associates, Harold.”  
“I wasn’t trailing after him.” Harry retorted. "You don't have to be so mean about it. It was a simple question."  
“You were too and don’t lie to me. I also saw how one of his exes dragged you on Instagram and how you deleted your comments on Nick’s picture. A bit embarrassing wouldn’t you say?”  
Harry glared at me, not saying another word. Then again, action speak louder than words, and the look he's giving me says more than anything he could vocalize.  
“What? What are you looking at?” I demanded. “Are you mad now? Because you know what? **Good!** I’m mad too.”  
“Why the fuck are you mad? You don't have a single reason to be mad. I'm the only one allowed to be mad right now! You're being such an asshole."  
“Are you fucking kidding me?" I asked, damn near stunned at his arrant lack of common sense. "After the years I spent trying to fix you when you wouldn’t let go of Nick, you expect me to not be mad that you went crawling back? Of course I'm mad! Nick didn’t give a fuck about you, Harry, yet you still went back again and again.”  
“I didn’t ask you to help me!"  
I raised my brow at him and laughed. “Sure, Harry. Because messages you sent to me constantly saying, ‘Lou, are you up? I need you.’ And you calling every single day to cry about him to me weren’t you asking for help? Alright. I’ll let you believe that if it’s what helps you sleep at night. You know what? I’m done talking about Nick.”  
He pursed his lips and nodded. “Good. Cause I am too.”  
I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest.  
“Don’t do that to me, Louis. You know I hate that.” Harry said, getting up and sitting beside me on my bed.  
“You can’t tell me what to do. If I want to roll my eyes at you, I will!”  
Harry mumbled and my head whipped around to face him.  
“What was that? Speak up, Harry! We can’t hear you in the back.” I snapped.  
A small smile began to form on his lips and he chuckled. That only irritated me more. The smug twat. He has done that nearly every time I was mad at him and he knows that riles me up more. I scoffed and sat back against my wall, my arms still crossed.  
“I said that you’re still so fucking hot when you’re mad.”  
I rolled my eyes again and ignored the way my heart leapt. Now is not the time to caught up in my feelings. “Shut up. I don’t want to speak to you. In fact, I don’t even want to look at you. Put a bag over your face.”  
Harry exploded with laughter and I may or may not have started smiling at that. He laughed so hard he wheezed and that’s when I bellowed out uncontrolled laughter.  
“I hate you.” I said in between laughs.  
“I love you too.” Harry winked.  
After we had managed to stop laughing, we laid side by side and fell into another soothing silence that hopefully wouldn’t result in another argument about Fairy Boy.  
I looked over to my right to see Harry looking back and smiling at me. A small smile began to form on my lips and I looked away. I looked back again and he was still watching me with that same smile plastered on his face.  
"Why are you smiling at me like that?" I asked, feigning annoyance despite the smile that was plastered on my face.  
"I don't know. Just enjoying my view." He replied nonchalantly.  
I rolled my eyes and laughed. “So did you ever get that picture Niall told you to take since you like to stare so much?"  
“HAH! No, but now that I think about it, I will.” He said, grabbing his phone from my bedside table. “Smile, Lou.” He teased.  
I gave him the biggest, dorkiest grin I could conjure up. Harry giggled, he actually fucking _giggled_ , and put his phone away.  
"So what do you wanna do now?" I asked.  
"We could listen to music and lay on your floor like we used to. Maybe stare at the stars on your ceiling."  
"It's not dark enough for that dumb-dumb." I pointed out.  
"We'll make it dark, dumb-dumb." He mocked.  
"Okay Mother Nature. Work your magic and turn the sun down."  
"Ha ha ha. Smart ass. We can put blankets over the window until it gets dark."  
"That's actually not a bad idea. I’m proud of you, Haz. Beauty AND brains.”  
"I gotta have something to keep you interested, don't I?"  
I chuckled and lightly shoved him. “Come on. Let’s put some blankets up.”

Our plan didn’t exactly work out the way we had planned. In fact, it sucked. Every time we put a blanket up over the curtain rod, it fell.  
"Why can't you be like everybody else and have thick curtains?" Harry whined. "Yours are see through. What's the point of them? Someone's gonna walk past your window one day and you'll be stark naked and they'll get to see your magnificent bare ass. I haven't even seen your bare ass."  
"I happen to like these thank you very much. It gives my room a bluish tint when the sun shines through. Also Haz, they're not that see-through and no stranger is going to see my bare ass."  
"Can I then? I have to for all of those in the world who cannot. I will go down as a hero and monuments will be made in my honor."  
"You are so dramatic."  
"I'm realistic."  
I smirked. "Let's just hang the covers up now."  
"How are we gonna do that when they keep falling down?"  
"Thumbtacks." I answered simply.  
"You mean to tell me" He began, "that you had thumbtacks this entire time and you're just now telling me?"  
"Mhm." I grinned.  
"Why would you torture me like that? That's 8 minutes of my life I'll never get back."  
"Are you gonna cry? Shall I get out my mini-violin?"  
"Just shut up and give me some thumbtacks." He grumbled.  
Three covers pinned up later, our plan was a success and my room was pitch black, save for the glow-in-the-dark stars on my ceiling.  
"I" Harry paused with a smile, "am a genius."  
"Look at you. Accomplishing things without my brilliant brain helping you out.” I said, feigning astonishment.  
"It’s about time you recognized my independence.”  
“Shut up, Styles.” I laughed.  
“We’re gonna need another light, Lou. I can’t see you when it’s so dark. Do you still have your black light?”  
“You mean Fabio? Of course!” I said excitedly.  
“To this day I still can’t believe you named your black light after the romance novel guy.”  
“Coming from the guy who loves everything romance.”  
"I can't help it that I'm a hopeless romantic with an old soul." He shrugged.

We made a pallet on my floor with my navy blue duvet and numerous pillows and laid upon it. I turned on my stereo; _No Parallels_ by Hands Like Houses blasting through my speakers, scaring Harry enough to where he jumped at least 4 feet into the air.  
I laughed so hard tears rolled down my face.  
“That was not funny! What are you even listening to nowadays?” He asked unamused.  
“Hands Like Houses.” I laughed again, wiping the tears from my eyes. “They’re a post-hardcore band from Australia. Niall showed me them my junior year. They’re great.”  
“What is post-hardcore?”  
“It’s a genre of music, Harold. Educate yourself. You did after all say you’re a genius. Shouldn’t this be common knowledge to you?”  
“Hush and play something softer, please.”  
“Well since you asked so nicely.” I smiled.  
We ended up settling on The Fray after I so successfully persuaded him.  
"What do you wanna do after Uni?" I asked as _Say When_ played.  
"The same thing I’ve wanted to do since we were younger.” He answered simply. “Help billions of people in any way I can and make music. I want to be the voice of the upcoming generation in the most positive way. I want to make the world a better place, if possible."  
I didn’t need to look at him to know his eyes were practically glowing with the hopes of a better future for all. Harry had always been so keen on fixing the world, even though he can’t possibly change everyone’s mind. There will always be some self-righteous jackass out there who thinks being overly conservative and judgmental is the only way to go. Despite that, I would never stop Harry from fulfilling his dreams. He’s more capable than I am when it comes to stuff like this.  
"I know that dream will come true for you one day, Haz. You've always been so talented and people have always adored you. If anyone can make a difference in this God-forsaken world, it’s you. I’ve never met anyone who has the same drive as you combined with the biggest heart of gold."  
"You're the best." He said with a smile.  
"I know." I teased.  
"No really, you are. There has never been a day where you weren’t supportive of me and so caring. I was so quick to throw away the only person who ever gave a fuck about me. Even after the way I treated you, you still believe in me just as much. I’ll never understand you, Lou. I’ll never understand how much you truly care for the people who have come and gone in your life.”  
"Haz, I never doubted you for a second. Not even when I wanted to hate you. You have so much talent and you have a good heart when you really let it show. I'll always believe in you because I know you can get out there and show the world what you're made of and conquer every obstacle in your path. I’m supportive because everybody needs someone in their life who won’t shit on their dreams and make them feel inadequate for whatever it is they want to pursue."  
Harry wrapped his arms around me and pulled me practically on top of him. I stayed completely still and willed my heart to stop beating so rapidly. Harry has never done that before. I forced myself to relax and wrapped my arms around him as well. My head was resting on his chest. His left arm wrapped tightly around my shoulder, his right on my hip. I bit my lip out of nervousness. If only he knew what he does to me. The effect he still has and without a doubt will always have.  
"What are you thinking about?" He whispered, as if this moment was fragile and if he spoke too loud, it would shatter.  
"You. Us. How life is suddenly better and brighter now." I answered truthfully.  
He hugged me closer and I knew that smile I adored so much was back on his face.


	9. I’m Still So Frustrated

Something inside me still didn’t sit right with all of this. With Harry all of a sudden back in my life. I forgave him, yet I still can't help but feel…hurt. It's not something I can get over after one day. I wish it was. I don't want to lash out at Harry again, but I can feel it coming. Maybe I’m still thoroughly horrified that history will repeat itself.  
My mind suddenly flashed back to my last year of high school. The seniors in my class, along with myself, went to Harry's high school for a uni fair. I was half-dreading it because I had a bad feeling I'd end up seeing him. I went against that feeling and walked in with two of my close friends: Stan and Calvin. They were really the only ones in my class that I even remotely cared about, besides Niall, but he had been at home with the flu so he wasn’t able to come with us.  
Stan knew who Harry was after us all hanging out in the past. He saw him and stood in front of me saying he was here and that he would do all he could to shield me from Harry’s ever wandering eyes. I couldn't turn away though; I had to see him. I knew I should have ignored the fact he was there and kept my focus on finding the right college, but I couldn’t avoid him. I _wanted_ to see him. So I walked ahead, despite Stan’s protests. Calvin was no help. He just used derogatory references that I ignored and walked away. Stan was right though. Harry was there. He had on dark skinny jeans and a grey sweater with black stripes on it. My heart stopped for a second and I was overwhelmed with sorrow. It took all I had not to cry in front of everyone. Stan and I turned the other way and walked around, browsing through the colleges that appealed to us, even chatting with the people handing out pamphlets. Walking the opposite way of Harry didn't help though, because there he was again, and this time, he saw me. He stared at me the entire time. Maybe he knew my school would be there and that he’d see me, or maybe it didn’t register that I was still attending that school and he was a bit shocked, because not once did he look away from me. I turned my back to him, knowing I couldn't bear to look at him one more time. Once he passed me, I nearly fell to the ground. I started hyperventilating and tears brimmed my eyes. It was horrible. I thanked God he didn't say a word to me.  
It didn’t take me very long to realize we were all walking in a giant circle and I would end up seeing Harry more and more. The next time I saw him, he gave me a lukewarm smile and said hey. I did the same... I cried as soon as I got back to my high school. It was so bad that I had to be excused from my drama class twice to go to the loo. I had never felt so insubstantial in my entire life.  
I snapped back to reality and looked over at Harry, the flashback infuriating me. I pushed away from him and sat up. He looked at me with curious eyes and I had to refrain from slapping him. I don't know what's coming over me. I thought I had gotten everything out of my system yesterday… Fuck I need to get a grip and control myself.  
Harry frowned then followed suit and sat up.  
"Lou, talk to me. What is it?" He asked softly.  
I narrowed my eyes at him and that’s when all hell broke loose.  
"How could you do that to me, Harry? How?! You have no fucking clue how miserable my life was after you dropped me! I can't just get over that in one fucking day when last week, I didn’t even matter to you! You’d have never spoken to me again had we not ran into each other at the mall! Not only have you mentally wounded me, but you've emotionally wounded me too! I tried everything to forget you and heal that festering wound, but it _never_ healed. I used to get so close to letting you go and somehow, you managed to pop back into my life and fuck everything up again. It's like you knew I was finally doing better without you and you couldn't handle that. Sometimes I used to think you fucking _knew_ I was still miserable and you relished that fact. Probably even got off on it while you were at it. Remember Ed's party when you stepped on my foot then repeatedly apologized to me? I knew you did it on purpose just to say something. Wanna guess what happened after you fucking hugged me? I cried like a bitch and felt 10,000 times more pathetic than before. I got even lower after that night, if it was humanly possible." I snapped.  
The purple glow of my blacklight illuminated Harry’s angelic face. He stared at me with a sorrowful look and opened his mouth to speak, but I cut him off.  
"Don't say a fucking word! I'm not finished yet! Remember the college fair, and all you did was smile and say hey? Well guess what? I cried again! I had to leave my class TWICE because I couldn't keep my composure. You have made me so weak and so pathetic and it's not fair! It's not fair that I'm the only one who gives a shit! It’s not fair that you backed out of our friendship without even asking me if it was okay or if I even wanted that too. You have no idea, Harry. You think you do, but you don't. I've loved you for eight fucking years and losing you was the worst thing that ever happened to me. Talk about unrequited love... Not only did you know how I felt about you, you’d tell our friends about it and say you wished I would say something, and when I did you would shut me the fuck down. I want so badly to hate you. I want to feel nothing but disgust when I see you, but I can't. I can’t and I won’t and you just don't get it! You never have, you never will!" I shouted.  
His expression went from sad to unreadable, but it quickly faded into something worse than sadness. It was devastation and regret. It was purely pitiful. I knew he felt even worse than he did yesterday. Part of me was glad, but the other part felt like shit.  
"Harry.” I said more softly now. “I…I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to be so rude. I couldn't stop it from coming out..." I apologized, on the verge of tears again.  
He laughed humorlessly, which caused me to look at him in confusion.  
"Don’t you dare apologize. Okay? Just don’t. The only one who should be apologizing is me. I'm so daft and I'm so unbelievably sorry, Louis. You're the most amazing person I've ever known and I don't see how I lived without you for so long. Don't you think for a second that I never thought of you, because I always did. I was constantly reminded of you nearly every single day and I'd think about you until I fell asleep. I’d occasionally look you up on whatever social media site just to see how you were doing and if you were happy. Sometimes I used to hear our songs when I'd go somewhere or watch some movie. Remember _Sunshine, Lollipops, and Rainbows_? That was our first song. It became that after I’d call you every night and play it repeatedly in the 6th grade. I'd sing it to you in class and you'd get so nervous and walk away. Then, there was _Back in Your Head_. That was in the 7th grade. I remember the first time I played it for you. You laughed so hard because the intro sounded so ridiculous, and it really did. Still does. But it made me laugh every time I heard it because I would hear that contagious laugh of yours in my head and couldn’t resist. Then, _The Way You Make Me Feel_. That was the 8th grade. I could go on and on. Don’t you get it, Louis? I never forgot you. So don't you dare think I stopped caring, because I _never_ did. I need you more than you think and a lot more than you'll ever know. Please Louis. Please don't push me away anymore. I'm sorry." He rambled, then began sobbing.  
I wrapped my arms around him and he quickly latched onto me. He buried his face in the crook of my neck and I gently kissed his temple, then rested my head against his.  
"You're forgetting one thing, Hazza." I spoke softly. "I need you too and I don’t plan on letting you go so easily now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sooo sorry if this story sucks hah. I just needed a way to get my feelings out of my head for once and this was the only way. The party incident is true, along with the songs, and the college fair. I didn't explain as much as I could have because I'd rather not bore anyone to tears. Anyway, thank you to anyone who is actually reading this. If you notice any mistakes, please let me know. I hardly check over any of this and I'm always open to constructive criticism.


	10. The Definition of Not Leaving

Harry sat up after a while and wiped away his tears. He laced his fingers with mine and locked eyes with me.  
"I won't leave you again. I promise. I know I’ve made bullshit promises in the past, but please believe me now. I won’t leave. Not unless you want me to.”  
“I believe you, Haz. And I don’t want you to leave. I couldn’t possibly want that. Not after I finally got you back as a friend.” I answered with a sheepish smile.  
“You have permission to kick my ass and whack me with a crowbar if I even think about leaving again.”  
I cracked a smile at that and chuckled. Well, at least he was nice enough to give me permission.  
"Can I ask you something?" He said.  
"Of course.”  
"Do you...do you still love me?"  
“Obviously Harry. You’re my friend and you mean a lot to me. Of course I love you.”  
“No, that’s not what I meant. Do you-Are you still in love with me?”  
I froze. Did he not listen to me during my outburst? As if me telling him I've loved him for 8 years didn't clarify how I feel about him.  
"Why are you asking me this?” I asked before I gave him the answer I knew he was searching for. “Does it matter?"  
"Because I’m genuinely curious. It’s important to me, Lou.”  
I sighed. The last time I told him I loved him, he turned me down for my enemy. If he does it again, I'm shoving a fire poker up his ass.  
"I told you earlier how I feel about you. Did you not listen?”  
“I want you to say it though. I want to hear those exact words.”  
“You already know, Harry. Why do I have to say it?”  
“Please!” He begged, his hands gripping mine tightly. “Just say it, Lou.”  
I sighed. Why is it so necessary that I say it? Harry’s not in love with me. He probably just wants to hear it as an ego-booster.  
“I’ve been in love with you since we were kids.” I said truthfully, looking down at our interlocked hands. “I’ve never stopped loving you.”  
“Prove it.”  
My head shot up. His gaze was intense. My palms started to get sweaty so I removed my hands from his. My heart rate accelerated as he got even closer to me.  
“Wha-What do you mean prove it? I don’t know how. Should I spell it out for you? Should I do the whole lipstick on the mirror thing? I don’t even wear lipstick but my mum d-“  
I was cut off when Harry grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and pulled me into a kiss. I gasped in surprise and sat there praying that my heart would not explode.  
Harry pulled back with a frown then whined. “Kiss me back you fool.”  
“But...” I wasn’t given the chance to finish my sentence as Harry had smashed our lips together again. This time, I was somewhat prepared and threw my arms around his neck and kissed him back with everything I had in me. I melted into him and it proved to be the most thrilling moment of my life. The kiss was passionate, but almost experimental. Like we were both testing to see what the other would do and how we would react. This was so new to me considering I had never kissed Harry before, but goddamn was I missing out...  
I pulled away and rested my head against his, unable to stop the smile spreading across my face.  
“I’m so in love with you.” Harry breathed.  
My breath hitched in my throat. I could’ve cried tears of joy. Hell, I might. I never expected him to reciprocate my feelings.  
"Are you? Or did you get caught up in the heat of the moment? Can’t say I blame you. I’m pretty irresistible.” I said.  
He grinned and pecked my lips. “You’re not the only one who has been in love for the past 8 years.”  
“What about Nick?”  
Harry sat up and scowled. “Nick isn’t important. Not anymore. Yeah, I fell in love with him, but you were the one I fell for first. Nick had a special place in my heart. I won’t deny that, but dammit Lou, you were and still are in my very soul. He could never be you and he knew that. Why do you think he tried so hard with me and faked nearly everything? It’s because he knew he’d never appeal to me like you always have. It’s you, Louis. It has always been you.”  
I lightly brushed my lips against Harry’s and sighed in relief, silently thanking whatever deity was listening.  
_Look After You_ by The Fray began to filter through my stereo speakers, creating the perfect mood.  
“Dance with me.” Harry said suddenly.  
I smiled. “Okay.”  
Harry stood and held out his hand for me to take, helping me to my feet. He wrapped his arms around my waist as I wrapped mine around his neck. We gently swayed to the rhythm and I immediately relaxed against him and closed my eyes. I want to capture this moment and live in it for the rest of my life.  
“I love you, Louis.” He whispered.  
“Say it again.”  
“I love you.”  
“Again.” I smiled, my eyes still closed. I would never grow tired of hearing those words come out of his mouth.  
Harry chuckled. “I love you. Jesus Christ I love you so much, Lou.”  
“I love you too.” I replied softly.  
Harry pulled me closer to him and began singing along to the lyrics, almost lulling me to sleep. 

_There now, steady love, so few come and don't go_  
_Will you, won't you be the one I'll always know?_

His voice had matured so much and I didn’t think it could get any better. It flowed through the air deep and smooth like honey, but with a bit of roughness that sent shivers down my spine.

_When I'm losing my control, the city spins around_  
_You're the only one who knows, you slow it down_

I looked up at Harry and smiled. This is everything I could’ve wanted and more. It’s everything I’m sure I have asked for one time or another.  
“Maybe this can be our new song?” I suggested.  
Harry nodded and kissed my forehead. “I’d love nothing more.”  
"I'm gonna have to request that you sing it to me every night for the rest of our lives."  
"Only if you finally let me hear you sing."  
"Okay. Ready?"  
Harry shook his head excitedly and grinned.  
I cleared my throat and took a deep breath.  


_There was a farmer had a dog and Bingo was his name-o!_

Harry's grin quickly faded into a frown. "You tit!"  
I fell into a fit of laughter and didn't stop until Harry smiled.  
"I'm happy to know you still have the same sense of humor."  
"That's the only thing I've got going for me, besides my arse of course."  
"You've got more to offer. Now, when will you actually sing for me?"  
"When I am good and ready."  
"Lou." Harry pouted.  
"One day, Haz. When you least expect it, I'll sing for you."  
"Will you show me you as Danny Zuko?"  
"Maybe."  
"Fine. I'll be patient. I'll wait forever if I have to."  
"Forever is a long time to wait to hear my voice." I pointed out.  
"You're worth it." Harry shrugged.  
“My God I fucking love you.”  
Harry chuckled as his cheeks flushed. “I fucking love you too. Now hush and let me kiss you again."  
"I'll have to think about that." I teased and pulled away.  
"Oh no you don't." He grinned and pulled me back to him with impressive force. "You're mine now."  
"Hm. Can’t say I agreed to this."  
"It’s too late for you. Because once you get inside my head, there’s no turning back baby."  
I let out a laugh and kissed him. “Tone it down Ace Ventura.”  
“I did not expect you to catch on to that.”  
I smiled at him fondly and buried my face in his neck, inhaling his heavenly scent. I want this every single day for the rest of my life, and now, I know Harry does too.


	11. Can We Make this A Lifetime?

**-Two years later-**

“All I’m saying is that lyrically, a shit ton of Justin Bieber’s songs make no fucking sense.” I pointed out.  
Niall and I were having a heated debate on certain musicians we dig, Justin Bieber being our current musician to debate on. Coming to a restaurant and discussing this probably wasn’t the best idea, but who gives a damn. We were having a good time and no one could take that from us.  
“Lyrically, you can suck my ass.” Niall argued.  
Harry and Zayn fell into a fit of laughter, earning a glare from Niall. The blond was a force to be reckoned with if anyone spoke ill of Justin Bieber around him.  
“Calm down, babe.” Zayn grinned and kissed Niall’s temple, Niall almost immediately relaxing.  
I couldn’t hold back my smile. Niall finally had someone who balanced him and loved him as much as he deserved. Zayn as well. They were made for each other. Harry slid his arm around me, pulling me closer to him. I happily scooted closer and laid my head on his shoulder. I didn’t have to look at him to know he was smiling, just like I was. These past 2 years have been more than I could’ve ever asked for. I was happier than I had ever been, more self-confident than I had ever been, and more content with the direction I was headed in life.  
“We are in dire need of more drinks.” Niall whined.  
“You gonna cry?” I asked, fake-pouting.  
“Maybe I am!”  
“Want me to get us some then? Would that make you happy?”  
“Yes.”  
"I'll be back." I smiled and waited for Harry to stand so I could grab us some more beverages.  
“Do you need any help, love?” Harry asked.  
“I got it babe.”  
Harry grinned and winked.  
2 years with that goof and I loved him more with each passing day.  
“Can I help you?” The bartender asked as I approached the counter.  
“Yeah mate, can I get four beers?” I asked.  
“Sure thing. Just a sec though.”  
“Take your time.” I smiled and sat on a stool.  
The man seemed grateful and hurried off to the other end of the bar where he had a considerable amount of impatient drunks barking orders at him.  
“Louis?”  
I was too focused on how happy I felt to even realize who it was that said my name. My blood ran cold when I turned around and was faced with none other than Nick Grimshaw.  
“It is you! Hey!” He said excitedly and pulled me into an awkward hug.  
“Yeah. Um. Hi Nick.” I replied, somewhat returning the hug.  
He pulled back and grinned. “You look great! How’ve you been? Are you by yourself?”  
“Nah I’m not alone and I’ve been great. Constantly buzzing nowadays. What about you? I saw that you moved away and really connected with your inner self.”  
“I did. I’ve never been better actually. I know who I am now and where I want to be in life. Who I was back when we were mates was an asshole.”  
I chuckled and agreed instantly. “You were, but I’m glad to see you better though. You look happier.”  
“You have no idea, Lou. You look happier as well. You’re glowing to be exact. Who are you here with?”  
My smile faded. Should I tell him I’m here with Harry? What if Harry sees him and he suddenly falls back in love with Nick and Nick with him? They’ll run off into the sunset while I’ll be a sobbing mess and-  
“Hey baby.” Nick cooed at a man who walked over to us.  
I cocked my head to the left and raised my brow. Okay… I didn’t expect that.  
“Louis, this is my boyfriend Michael.” Nick said, his eyes shining.  
My God I don’t think I’ve ever seen Nick so in love. This guy might as well have created every ocean and hung every star because Nick is looking at him like he’s a God. He just might be in his eyes.  
“Hi. I’m Louis.” I smiled and shook his hand.  
“I’ve heard a bit about you! It’s nice to meet you, Louis.” Michael said cheerfully.  
“You were taking a while so I wanted to check and see if you were…” Harry paused after he saw Nick and Michael. “Okay…”  
My heart was nearly beating right out of my chest. This was it. The moment of truth. Nick looked back and forth between Harry and me and beamed.  
“So this is who you’re with.”  
I looked up at Harry to see him looking back at me with apparent concern.  
“Are you okay?”  
“Yes of course. Why wouldn’t I be?” I asked confused.  
“Because I know how you feel when it comes to him.” He whispered, slightly gesturing towards Nick.  
“I’m fine Hazza.” I reassured him. “Really. Now, this is Nick’s boyfriend Michael. Michael, this is my boyfriend Harry.”  
“Hi.” Harry said with a genuine smile and shook his hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”  
“Likewise.” Michael nodded and returned the smile.  
“I always knew you two would end up together again.” Nick said. “You still light up around each other the same way you did back in the old days.”  
I blushed madly and bit my lip. “Oh um. Thanks? I guess that’s what I need to say.”  
Nick laughed. "You're welcome."  
I felt Harry’s arm encircle my waist, calming me. He gently pushed my chin up and stared deep into my eyes. Suddenly, all I was aware of was Harry and me. No one else. That tended to happen almost every time I looked at him. He always threw me into some kind of trance. I was constantly mesmerized by his beauty, had been for 10 years now. Nothing was going to change how I felt about this tall, clumsy, angelic, dork of a man.  
“I always knew we’d be together too.” He almost whispered to me.  
I closed the gap between us and kissed him tenderly. Relief flooding through me. Leave it to me to constantly fear that Harry will leave me for Nick. I’ve never been more thankful to be wrong.  
Harry pulled back and kissed my nose, emitting a giggle from me.  
“I love you.” I said.  
“I love you too.” He grinned.  
“Here are your drinks, sir.” The bartender interrupted.  
“Thank you.” I said, pulling out some money to tip him.  
“Oh. That’s not necessary.” He said quickly.  
“Dealing with that lot over there, you deserve it. Have a nice night.”  
“Thanks.” He replied sincerely and hurried off once more.  
“Shall we?” Harry asked.  
“It was good seeing you, Nick. I’m happy for you.” I said, giving him a proper hug.  
“As I am for you too. I wish you both all the luck and happiness in the world.”  
“Thanks man.”  
We parted ways and headed back to our table to rejoin Niall and Zayn.  
“You sure you’re okay?” Harry asked again once we sat down.  
“Yeah.” I nodded with a small smile. “I’m good.”  
Harry kissed my temple and then fell into a deep discussion on the importance of adding green vegetables to your diet with Niall, who clearly didn’t care but listened anyway.  
I smiled widely, whispering, “God I’m so good.” to myself, knowing for sure that I was and would be for a while.  
The rest of the night was spent with laughter, playful fights, and story-telling that left my sides hurting from laughing so hard and left a permanent smile on my face.  
"Jesus Christ... Lou, do you remember the first time we got Harry stoned?" Zayn asked.  
"Please no." Harry begged.  
I cackled. "God yes. He took one hit from Tuba and nearly coughed up a lung."  
"The smoke burned my throat! I thought I was going to die." Harry argued, defending himself.  
"I told you not to take such a big hit!"  
Zayn snickered. "That was the funniest shit ever."  
"What was even funnier was your reaction."  
"What did he do?" Harry asked. "I was too busy trying to breathe to see what he did."  
"This moron dropped Tuba then yelled 'I gotta run!' Then took off down the road. You could even see him the next street over actually running." I snickered.  
"Where was I for this?" Niall asked, bewildered.  
"You were with us." Zayn answered after he stopped laughing.  
"I was?"  
"Do you not remember taking Louis' tub of ice cream and sitting in the middle of the road eating out of it with a soup ladle?"  
"And then he got so mad because he couldn't get any ice cream out." I laughed.  
"So he chucked the ladle and ended up breaking your neighbor's window!" Harry added.  
We howled with laughter, except for Niall who still didn't remember that night.  
"Why don't I remember this?" He frowned. "This sounded like a fun night."  
"For starters, you were completely plastered. Then, you took 3 hits from tuba." I explained.  
"That makes sense." Niall shrugged.  
I shook my head and smiled so big my face hurt. This night would definitely go down in the books. I sighed in utter bliss and relaxed against Harry. Having him back and seeing my best friend radiating constant joy brought a part of me back to life that I thought was gone for good. Some days are still tough for me, some I have to fight harder and harder just to keep my sanity, but those days aren't as often as they used to be. I’m not saying that a relationship can solve everything, because that’s not always the case for some people, but this one has definitely helped me significantly. Being in love and being loved in return eased away the majority of the loneliness I felt. Finally knowing what I want to do with my life helped me. All of these amazing things coming together and sharing them with the people that mean the world to me helped me. Being told repeatedly, “It gets better.” while you’re still stuck in that God forsaken void of despair and misery doesn’t always help, but God it’s amazing when you finally realize that life **DOES** get better. Not everything stays bad all of the time. It seems like it, but it’s the little things you have to watch for. Major changes don't happen overnight sadly, but small ones do every now and then and those are the ones you have to hang onto, because they lead you to bigger and better things. Surrounding yourself with people who build you up rather than tear you down makes a hell of a difference as well. Even though I still feel lonely and absolutely hopeless sometimes, I know I’m not alone and I know there is still hope. I’m never alone with these goofs. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never got a happy ending, but I’ll be damned if Louis doesn’t get one! I appreciate those of you who took the time to read this and actually enjoyed it. Like I’ve stated before, this story was a way for me to vent my feelings. The person Nick is based off of is still a friend of mine. She actually did move far away and transformed into a person she is happy to be and one I’m glad to see that she has become. The guy Harry is based off of is starting off as a new music producer and from what I’ve heard, he’s doing swell, which I truly am happy about despite the way we ended. As for me, I’m just glad to be alive and well. 
> 
> The relationship between Louis and Harry in this story is not something a person should shoot for. What happened to me really screwed me up and I'm struggling to overcome it. The reconciliation was something I wanted to happen, but never got, which is probably a good thing. This story was everything I wanted to happen to me. If you're going through something like this, I'm truly sorry and wish you all the luck in the world in overcoming an emotionally draining and unhealthy relationship. Sometimes some people just don't work well together, and should never be together.


End file.
